Papa Wolf
by Paul P.S. Sullivan
Summary: Nearly a year after the infamous Cullen-Black wedding, Charlie gets a visit from Bella and Edward. A companion piece to das mervin's "The Wedding Crashers".


**Author's Note:** Originally posted at the LiveJournal TwiSpiteFic community under my LJ username, this serves as an unofficial companion piece to das_mervin's **The Wedding Crashers **and it's preferable if you read that and its sequel **Auto Erotica** first.

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Papa Wolf

Charlie Swan had been dreading this moment for quite some time now.

He saw the black and undoubtedly expensive car pull up into the driveway from upstairs in the nursery. He got off his mother's rocking chair, cradling a wriggling, fussing infant in a pink polka-dot onesie.

He didn't yell for Sue. His wife had just laid down for a much needed nap. Instead, he steeled himself as he walked down the stairs and opened the front door for Bella. His eternally eighteen-year old daughter in a white lace dress stepped inside, flanked by her husband Edward who wore a sleek gray suit and a very bored expression.

"Bells," Charlie said, "I wasn't expecting you…or Edward."

The couple glanced at the interiors. Bella traced her fingers delicately over the framed photos hanging on the wall. She focused in on the one of the nine years younger Charlie and Sue in their modest bridal attire. She recalled Alice's disappointment when they decided on a private ceremony at the church and the police station potluck that followed. At least they allowed them to supply the cake, a three-tiered pastel confection that stuck out in the sea of crockpots and casserole dishes. She and Edward didn't stay long to mingle with the FPD nor did Alice and Jasper, but they found it a challenge to pry Emmett and Renesmee away from the reception. Naturally, Renesmee was talking the ear off of her grandfather and his bride, but the four Cullens still couldn't fathom why Emmett was so captivated by those three officers. Bella turned her attention back to Edward, who sniffed the air and cringed.

"The Winchesters were here," he stated, his eyes narrowing. "Not too long ago."

"Oh, Edward," Bella said hastily, "they just came with Leah to see the baby."

She turned and flashed a smile to Charlie and the infant in his arms. "Say, Dad, is that little Anna?"

Charlie held the infant up for Bella to see. The child had a head of messy dark hair and a pair of sleepy brown eyes. Her light tan skin was flushed as if she had a hot bath minutes before and right in the middle of her face was a flat little nose with large nostrils that were crusty with white dried snot. Compared to Renesmee at a few days old, three month old Anna Lee Swan looked no different from a monkey.

"She, um, looks a lot like her mommy and daddy." Bella gave her father and half-sister a very unconvincing smile. Edward took a whiff in Charlie's direction and turned away quickly, clutching his nose. Charlie pressed his hand against Anna's bottom and smirked.

"She probably needs some changing," he said. The two vampires followed Charlie into the living room. Edward and Bella took a seat on the couch as Charlie spread out a baby blanket on the floor and laid Anna down. He cooed at his little daughter as he tore the diaper's tape.

"Pee-you!" Charlie half-laughed as he pulled the diaper off. "Quite a load you dropped off, Anna Banana. Whooeee!"

The two vampires did not share his enthusiasm, judging by the awkward and ill grimaces they gave each other. Unheeding their discomfort, Charlie wiped Anna's bottom clean, powdered her, and taped on a fresh diaper.

"I haven't seen you since the wedding," Charlie said, getting up and walking to the kitchen with Anna in one hand and the used diaper in the other. "How are Nessie and Jake doing?"

"Oh, they're doing all right," Bella said. "They've been running around, getting some alone time. We suggested that they go to Nice with us, but they wanted to rough it in the woods. It was too bad, because we've have the nicest little chateau with white walls and red tiles for the roof. It's got a fantastic view of the sea and the air smells so wonderful! How's the crib that Alice sent you?"

There was the sound of a door opening, the soft thud of a diaper dropping in a trashcan, and the running of a faucet.

"We gave it to someone else," Charlie replied, washing his hands while Anna squirmed on the counter beside the sink. Only Edward saw his wife frown.

"Sue and I appreciate the thought, but we already had one that Sue had been holding on since Seth and Leah were little. Plus Annie's already started putting her mouth on everything and I don't think wrought iron would feel too good."

"We didn't get any messages about the baptism," Edward said, casting a scrutinizing glare over the living room. "Rosalie and Emmett heard it from Leah the last time she…came to visit."

Charlie did not bother hiding the mental image of Leah and Castiel making very destructive love on top of two of the Cullens' very expensive cars, compounded by Rosalie and Emmett's eagerness to join in. He had a very hearty laugh with Sam and Dean when they first told him the story and even now he couldn't help but smile. The look of discomfort on Edward's perfectly sculpted face was priceless.

"Yeah, Rose and Emmett called us the other day," he answered, "just a quick congratulations to us and Sam and Dean."

"I find it rather…odd," Edward continued as Charlie and Anna sat down in the recliner, "that you would elect the Winchesters who, I remind you, caused a terrible upset at my daughter's wedding and killed two _very_ valuable allies as your newborn daughter's _godfathers_."

Charlie looked at Bella who appeared quietly pleading with him and then at Anna who grabbed and began to suck contentedly on a fold of her father's shirt.

"I don't think it's odd," he replied, "to want to surround my children with good influences."

"Good influences?" Edward sneered. "Them?"

"They're rough around the edges," Charlie explained, "but they have shown me that they are good and decent people and I think they are up to the challenge."

"But, Dad," Bella asserted, "they travel around, they don't have a steady job, and you've seen the way they act at Renesmee's wedding! Besides, Alice and Esme got excited when they heard about a new baby. Maybe you could have talked it over with them. After all, Sue could use all the help she could get at her age."

"Well, Bells," Charlie replied, "the thing is that I didn't want to inconvenience you. Your, um, way of life doesn't seem made for a baby."

"What about Renesmee, your granddaughter?" Bella interjected, sounding quite offended.

"Oh, I remember Nessie. I also remember that she was potty-trained at a week old and used telepathy when she wanted something. She wasn't what I would call a normal baby."

Bella glared at her father like a tiger ready to pounce. Anna squirmed in her father's arms.

"Bells," Charlie's tone had grown quiet and serious, "I just don't think Annie would feel safe around you."

"Charlie!" Bella gasped. "How could you think that? We would never hurt you!"

"I know you wouldn't, but it's your friends that scare me."

"Ungrateful," Edward growled. "It was the Winchesters that forced their hand. Our guests did nothing to the people of Forks!"

Charlie's expression hardened.

"Do you remember Angela Weber, Bells?" Even his daughter's pet name sounded cold coming from Police Chief Swan.

"You remember Angela, the only other human being you could stand being around?"

Bella only shrugged.

"Her brother Josh and his girlfriend Kay went missing three days before the wedding. Angela and the rest of her family did everything they could do, hoping that Josh would be safe. Police found their bodies in a shallow grave in Spokane. You know what they said about Josh and Kay? They didn't have a drop of blood left in them."

Bella said nothing. Her lips twitched, not unlike when she-still human-walked down the aisle with her father at her own wedding.

"Stop it." Edward's tone was stone cold. "You're making my wife upset."

"Good," Charlie replied, slowly standing up. "Isabella Marie, you understand that I have a job to do here and that entails protecting even total strangers and after Annie was born, I've been reminded of what's at stake. I'm sorry, but despite what you've heard, nobody is above the law."

"This is how you repay us, Charlie?" Bella glared at her father. "The Cullens protected you and Forks from threats even worse than you could possibly imagine."

"I can imagine quite a bit," Charlie answered.

"The point is what are you going to do without us? What is Forks going to do without us?"

"We've done pretty well with just ourselves and the La Push pack and we'll continue doing just that."

"Jacob and his pack will never come back," Edward declared, folding his arms. "He's with us and he is the son of a Chief. The new treaty still stands."

"Jacob no longer has any say at La Push." Charlie sighed. "After what happened at the wedding as well as looking into the innocents who died at the hands of your guests, the tribe talked it over and came to the agreement that Jacob did not have his people's best interests at heart."

"But Renesmee is his imprint!" Bella exclaimed. "She's the most important person to him!"

"I can't argue with that," Charlie answered, "but as an Alpha, he has to be able to balance her and his responsibilities to the tribe. By opening La Push to those who prey on humans without considering the consequences, the tribe feels that they cannot trust him with the safety of the rez. It was a hard decision for everyone."

Charlie took a deep breath. Edward continued to glare daggers into his father-in law while Bella looked distressed.

"The tribe also consulted the Makah and the Hoh a few months ago and - you know what- their own people were being picked off by these 'cold ones', many of them matching the description of some of your guests. Sam and his pack has been running themselves ragged, but since then more and more wolves have been phasing into existence outside the rez - many of them young women- and they look to Sam, Embry, and especially Leah for guidance. So you can see that we've been pretty busy with not only keeping La Push and Forks safe but also the whole state of Washington."

"So you're evicting us," Edward stated.

"I wouldn't say that," Charlie replied. "The Cullens are welcomed to come and go as long as you keep your 'friends' under control. That means if they are preying on normal people, you have to tell us. Otherwise, you will be convicted as accessories to murder."

"What gives you the right?" Edward shot up from his seat and snarled. Charlie stood his ground, hugging Anna closer to his chest.

"Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, so I'll say it again," Charlie said, unflinching. "Nobody is above the law, especially you!"

Charlie then found himself being pushed and falling backward into a chair by a scowling Edward. He felt the ice cold of his son-in law's hand, the skeleton of the recliner hitting his back through the cushion and springs, and his feet up in the air. Despite the stabbing pain in his shoulder and nearly somersaulting backwards over the recliner, he still held on to his infant daughter.

"Charlie," Bella scolded, standing over her father, "you shouldn't have pushed him so far-eeeaaah!"

Bella and Edward had their hands to the sides of their heads, doubling over in pain. Anna was crying, but the two vampires were acting as if a drill was piercing their brains.

"Stop it!" Edward ordered. "Stop it! Shut it up!"

Obediently, Bella grabbed Anna from Charlie and began swaying her body. This only made her little half-sister scream louder. Bella looked helplessly at Edward when Anna suddenly stopped. Bella beamed triumphantly, but her elation ended when she heard a burp. The bodice of Bella's lace dress became wet with warm, soured milk. Bella let out an anguished wail of her own, dropping Anna. Charlie quickly slid on his knees. With the grace of an arthritic baseball player, he stopped just in time to catch the falling baby.

"Stupid mutt!" Edward roared.

"That 'mutt' is my daughter," Charlie answered as he got to his feet, "and I think it's time that you two should be going."

Without further protest, Edward and a still whimpering Bella made their way to the front door, Charlie following behind. Anna hiccuped, prompting Bella to flinch as she and her husband went out.

"Be sure to pass on what I said to Carlisle," Charlie called out to them. Edward gave him an icy glare as he got in the car. Bella looked pitifully at her father for a minute before finally getting in. The car back out and sped away, kicking up fallen leaves and dust. Charlie stood at the door the whole time, softly patting Anna's back. He let out a long sigh, followed by a pained groan.

He came out of that trance at the sound of the stairs squeaking.

"Sweetheart?" Sue's voice was still groggy. "Who was that?"

"Bella and Edward," Charlie answered, turning to his wife and kissing her on the cheek. "They wanted to see Anna. I think they got more than enough of her to last them a lifetime."

"They know about the changes, what we've been up to?"

"Yeah and reacting as expected." Charlie stroked Anna's hair and winced, clenching his shoulder. "I gonna need an ice pack and Dr. Mulgrew."

Taking Anna, Sue dialed the kitchen phone with her free hand and gave it to Charlie. No sooner than he heard a busy signal, he groaned as Sue pressed a plastic baggie of ice on his shoulder. She took a seat at the table, still holding Anna against her breast.

"Sue," Charlie sighed, sitting down and still on hold, "I wonder how Alice is gonna react when Edward tells her that the $3750 crib is being used as a part of bear-proof dumpster."

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**Author's: Note:** This was very cathartic, folks. If it wasn't clear, yes, I am for Team Mustache Dad and I feel that he and the rest of the humans need more love than what they got in their home canon. I'm also of the shared opinion that Bella would make a terrible mom. As much as Meyer glorifies motherhood, Bella doesn't do a lot of parenting. Part of growing up rapidly, Nessie bypassed all the gross parts of being a baby and pretty much raised herself when she wasn't passed off to Rosalie, Jacob and Charlie so that Bella can go off to have fun with Edward. No doubt, that was Meyer's wish-fulfillment coming through. **The Wedding Crashers** delved into the result of such an upbringing. Anna is based on my, as of this publish date, two-year old niece when she was a few months old and, let's be honest, babies are kind of ugly at first. Straight out of the womb, they are wrinkly, covered in a white powdery stuff, and their eyes kind of bulge out like a chihuahua's. I've actually called my niece a "lil' pink ET" when she was ten minutes old. They're also at their most helpless and the bond we have with them is formed as we help them become less helpless. That's why we get all excited when they start crawling, talking, and using the potty all by themselves. We never really got that with Nessie, but I digress.

So, tell me what you thought of this and check out more of TwiSpiteFic at LiveJournal.


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